Magician Steve Wyrick Postponed Again; Will He EVER Open?

That's not just my question. It's the one stalking the folks at the Las Vegas Hilton, too. There's some snag going on over there that goes beyond needing more time to perfect the show, and now I have a Hilton source telling me there are financial problems. Before it even opens, there are financial problems?!?

I had exclusively reported on July 26 the the journeyman magician's new headliner gig had been postponed from a 7/27 opening to an 8/5 opening, and the other day a ticket agent told me its new opening date was 8/6. Well, that's today, and the Las Vegas Hilton website has scrubbed those dates and a ticketing agent said it's supposed to open 8/9 but "I can't really predict the future."

Indeed. Don't hold your breath on that, either, because the resort's website shows Wyrick scheduled to appear EVERY SINGLE NIGHT UNTIL JANUARY 31, 2012 WITHOUT A SINGLE DAY OFF.

Yeah, right.

[Aside: By then will it even be "the Hilton" by then?]

If you try to book tickets for any of these dates, you evidently can do it, though. They're $39.95 to $125. Something tells me there'll be plenty of seats available on a walk-up basis, though, so I'd hold off on that.

Why does this even matter? Well, Wyrick's face is already plastered on a 20ish-foot-tall banner on the side of the resort where Barry Manilow's visage once gazed down upon the masses. Has there ever, in the history of Las Vegas, been a show advertised and promoted like that that has simply never opened?

Wyrick, of course, has a long history of financial troubles and disappointing shows. Most recently, he went bankrupt after the $35 million Wyrick Theater and bar complex in the Miracle Mile Shops failed miserably. And yet he keeps trying to come back, and that spirit and effort deserves a certain admiration from even those not impressed by his tricks.

There's one more bit of proof, though, that Wyrick is clearly not ready for primetime at the Hilton. This...


...is what you find out front at SteveWyrick.Com. Maybe that's a time-traveling DeLorean? THAT would be an awesome trick.

When Hansie met Siggy (and Roy)

(This is a reprint from my LasVegasWeekly.Com column, which appears Fridays here)

I’ve been trying to imagine something. A press release came through last week noting that Siegfried and Roy visited new Vegas headliner Hans Klok on Aug 2 after watching the Dutch performer’s show. This is exciting news for the Strip’s biggest ripoff magician, whose new production at the PHo with momentary co-star Pamela Anderson is so staggeringly awful that the Las Vegas Sun didn’t even review it.

So I’m wondering what that meeting might have been like. Here’s my version:

Hansie: Allo, Siegfried and Roy! Thank you for coming to see my fantastical new show starring me, zee biggest star in Europe!

Roy nods and grins.

Siggy: Oh, no problem! We heard that you were having some, uh, public relations problems. Happy to help!

Hansie: Problem? No! I am zee most amazing thing this Strip has seen in ages! I was zee biggest thing in, you know! They love me and zee flouncy black silk shirts that sometimes expose my, how you say, hairless neeples! We sell out all zee time. I swear it!

Siggy: Hansie, my European effete blond brother, come now. It eez I, it eez Siggy here. I know zee truth. Your show’s a stinker, everybody knows dat. But I am happy to help you by rolling out my lover ... er ... lifelong housemate and performing partner, Roy, here for a happy picture. I don’t even mind anymore that you wear a flowing, wind-swept coif just like mine or dat you stole our Evil Queen trick for your act. What’s ours is yours, we say.

Roy nods and grins.

Hansie: Stole? Stole? Did I mention dat I am a European megastar? I have been blowing away zee audiences for years with all of dis that I do putting preety girls in boxes and then bringing dem back as many times as eez possible in 90 minutes! I stole nothing. Nothing!

Siggy turns to the handlers.

Siggy: Do we really need to do dis? ‘Wheel of Fortune’ is on soon, you know. Or there must be zee opening of a can of tuna fish somewhere that we appear at. Dis man is an idiot. I do not need to share zee Siggy and Roy pixie dust with heem.

Hansie suddenly looks panicked.

Hansie: Ok, Ok. I am sorry. Sorry, grandmaster Siggy. I just do not understand it! I am making big magic for zee Strip, bigger than anyone has seen since (looks at Roy, lowers voice to a hush), well, you know. Why is dis all working out so badly?

Siggy looks paternal, sympathetic. Roy nods and grins.

Siggy: It is a veddy difficult business, this Las Vegas thing.

Hansie: But how did you do it? How did you get zee world to love zee two flamboyant Germans and some funny animals?

Siggy: Well, when we did it, we did tricks nobody else had ever seen and we didn’t need to run around zee stage like Goebbels being chased by zee circumcision knife to make it seem exciting.

Hansie: But dat works so well in Europe, where I am zee biggest star since Erik Estrada!

Siggy is undeterred.

Siggy: Also, back then zee people loved Las Vegas for its tackiness and its pretend-closeted performers. It was zee age of Liberace, young Hansie. Nowadays, zee world doesn’t mind zee performers being out of zee closet. Look at Elton John! Joey Arias! Everybody in Zee Producers besides Tony Danza!

Hansie blanches, but it’s hard to tell since he’s always sheet-white anyway

Roy nods and grins.

Siggy: Did I say something to upset you, young Hansie?

Hansie: Siggy, I have only zee highest respect for you and Roy. I really do. But I am not a gay. It just seems dat way because I am a European.

Siggy: Oh, yes. Right. Sorry. Same here. Neither am I, actually. I was just talking.

Hansie: No, really. I am not. Dis is why I have Miz Pamela wid me everywhere I go. Miz Pamela, she has zee huge, uh, how you say, knockers, you know. I love zee big knockers. Love them.

Siggy [sighing]: Yes, alright. Perhaps we can take zee picture now and be done with dis.

Hansie: Siggy, I am not a gay! I am not! I love Miz Pamela. We do zee nasty, you know. She is my girlfriend. We get, how you say, frisky all zee time!

Siggy: Tis OK, Hansie. I understand.

Hansie gets agitated.

Hansie [raising voice steadily]: Do you wish me to prove it? Would someone get Miz Pamela here right now so I may shove my tongue in her throat? I want to feel up those big knockers right here. I want everyone to write about it. Why won’t anyone write about how Miz Pamela and I are going to make babies? We are hot! We are as hot as zee Tom Cruise and that Katie!

Siggy: OK, OK. It is true! It is true! You and Miz Pamela. Hot. Fine. Can we be done here?

Hansie, Siggy and Roy grin for the camera.

Hansie: Siggy, do you have any questions for me before I go enter Miz Pamela’s every orifice? I am, after all, zee biggest star in Europe and she is my geliefde!

Siggy: Well, I do wonder one ting, Hansie. But it is a bit personal.

Hansie: Ah, Siggy. You can ask me anything!

Siggy: Oh, OK. We both just wanted to know.

Hansie: Yes, Siggy. Ask me! Do not be embarrassed.

Siggy: Well, OK. We have wondered. Can we get the number of your colorist?

Roy nods and grins.

You Write The Caption

The photo above was distributed to the media with this advisory:

Suggested Photo Caption

LAS VEGAS - AUGUST 2: Magician Hans Klok meets with legendary magicians Siegfried & Roy after a performance of Klok's "The Beauty of Magic" show at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino August 2, 2007 in Las Vegas, NV. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Stage Entertainment)

Surely we can do better, no? On Friday, I'll unveil the secret dialogue between Hans and Siegfried! Can you stand it?

The Strip is LIVE tonight w/the shocking Amazing Johnathan

Join us for the live show at LVRocks.Com at 7:05 pm tonight for a shocking interview with The Amazing Johnathan in which he takes on some of his competing Strip magicians, among other startlingly frank observations!

Plus, news from Vegas, the tourist tip, letters, the poll and a new trivia question.

Catch it live or pick up the podcast on Thursday. Either way, see you soon.

The Gays, The Jews and Vegas

There is a pathetic creature out there who reads this blog religiously and never seems to miss the podcast but who is nonetheless livid that Miles and I are gay and that we talk about our lives as if -- get this! -- they were normal. He even spends his time posting homophobic messages on this blog under old posts that nobody is reading anymore (I get email alerts to all new posts or I'd miss it, too) and has debates with himself, pretending to be more than one poster. It's very odd. And always loaded with bad grammar and spelling because kooky fundamentalists are uniformly averse to the English language.

Still, even wacky, virulent homophobes have their days, and this may just be his. Thinking he was hurting my feelings, he passed along this very useful link from a Swedish newspaper reporting that Swedish magician Joe Labero (pictured above) bitched to an in-flight magazine about why he can't get work in Las Vegas:

"I don't mean to sound prejudiced of course, I'm just cynical. A blond Swedish Viking will have a hard time breaking through the hierarchies that control Vegas, where power rests in the hands of Jewish business syndicates, American dollar millionaires and homosexual booking agents."

Fascinating. Did you know this? Planet Ho is installing a Dutch magician, Hans Klok, who is reportedly not gay, American or Jewish, and he's been hired by P.Ho CEO Robert Earl, who again is none of those things. There's Steve Wyrick, Nathan Burton, Lance Burton, David Copperfield and Criss Angel -- none are gay (not openly anyhow) and none are Jews. True, Siegfried & Roy are gay but would never admit it, but they sure weren't Jewish or American. We're not entirely sure they were even Earthlings.

Could it be that Mr. Labero is just not very good? Look at this clip below -- he's cutting a woman into pieces in a box. Gosh, Vegas really needs its 18th version of THAT trick. And the close-ups of him -- what's with the 1980s-hair-band look? -- I wonder about his protestations of heterosexuality anyhow.




Interestingly, He did go on to apologize for the remarks yesterday. You know, because he didn't mean to sound prejudiced. Of course.

Anyhow, being gay and Jewish myself -- and left-handed and hearing impaired, what a list! -- I'd like to speak on behalf of this city when I answer this other comment made by Mr. Labero:

"But I will get there, sooner of later."

I'm thinking not.