Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Lackland: The Quirky Side of the USAF


As you might expect, with my fresh never-before-exposed eyes, I saw lots of weird things at Lackland Air Force Base last weekend when I witnessed my Little Brother, Jamie, graduate from boot camp. This probably-unauthorized, gunned-up "Hello, Kitty" T-shirt, for instance, caught my eye.

This incredibly tasteless patch, too:


For $149, you can have an uber-patriotic bench...


...or for a lot less you can get a pair of these...


At the major Base Exchange shop, I was amused to find that there was this shelf with this shield to avoid exposing minors to Adult Reading Material. But notice that that's not Playboys and Jugs up there. They're counting novels by Jackie Collins and Nora Roberts amongst the smut!


To appreciate the next oddity, take note of what normal people wore to the graduation, which was outside in chilly, windy weather at 9 a.m.:


And then there was what this woman wore...


...and you can't even see the horrifying bra-strap tan line or chunky shoes. Eek. At least she didn't expose everyone to her and her Airman's most embarrassing cutesy nicknames like the Gal With The Yellow Ribbon In Her Hair did...


We never did find out who was Moo-Moo and who was Punkin.

I kinda liked this T-shirt, seen on someone at SeaWorld because Saturday was Christian Families Day:


I didn't realize military underwear was museum-worthy, but these knickers were in a display case at the orientation building in case some proud Air Force momma wanted to know what Johnny wears under those blues, I guess. At least now we know they're not wearing camouflage-printed Booty Camp shorts, huh?


I did wonder -- and never found out -- what goes on here...


...since Jamie never set foot in the place. Is it some sort of punishment to have to go here and make pottery and watercolors of butterflies and rainbows? Maybe some angry someone who was forced to do so also painted this, in the stairwell of Jamie's dorm:


I have no idea what Jamie and his friends are doing here, but I hope our newest troops aren't playing rock-paper-scissors about what country we ought to bomb next:


And, alas, I can take a ribbing, too. First I'm caught blowing bubbles with Jamie's girlfriend, Melanie...


...and then later I've got a WTF look on my face.


Oh, NOW I remember what that was. I had gotten a text message from someone named Punkin. Or was it Moo-Moo? Either way, you can understand my consternation.

3 comments:

Josh said...

With your apparently new-found interest in things military, you might enjoy Lily Burana's new book, "I Love a Man in Uniform". Radical punk ex-stripper becomes military wife.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I should put opaque covers on the three W.E.B. Griffin novels I own, since the PX considers them "adult." And Jamie's girlfriend is quite the shayna maidel [sic?].

David McKee

thomas said...

Make sure you go eat at Mi Tierra Restaurant in the mercado.