Saturday, May 21, 2011

Birdy Bin Laden Is Dead, We Think

Justice has been done. We got Birdy Bin Laden. Probably.

The other day I posted about this bird in the neighbor's tree that was dive-bombing to frighten -- but not attack -- our dogs. Here's the YouTube video again:

We heard many theories as to this bird's aggression, from an innate hatred for our way of life to the possible defense of an unseen nearby nest to a campaign to force us to accept the 1967 neighborhood boundaries, as impractical as that may be. It's so hard to get inside the mind of a deranged mockingbird and, frankly, offensive to suggest that we are at fault for any of this ugliness.

Actually, we have no idea what happened to him. All we know is that after the YouTube video went up, he stopped bothering us altogether. And then yesterday, he was lying in state on our sidewalk with no visible injuries. It is possible a rogue vigilante took care of it in some stealth way. Or maybe he was actually swooping low because he wasn't well and was trying to tell us something. We'll never know. That's what he gets for coming to this country and never learning our language.

To head off any nascent conspiracy theories, however, we are releasing the pictures of the corpse.

We actually don't know for certain that this is the same bird as there was no DNA evidence available and, as racist as this may sound, they all look pretty much alike.

In accordance with the American practice of disposing of terrorists, though, I took him from the sidewalk in a Smith's lunch meat baggie...

...and wrapped him in a white Scott's paper towel shroud.

Our region of the world lacking an ocean and not wishing to make a scene at the Bellagio fountains or risk clogging our toilet, we laid Birdy Bin Laden in a grave by some rose bushes like so:

Let's hope it doesn't rain too hard any time soon, is all.

Lest you find this cruel and perhaps unconstitutional, I assure you we were all pretty broken up about it. Just look at the faces of the mourners, who take no joy in the demise of their nemesis:

Don't judge them! We all grieve in our own way.


Anonymous said...

Mission Accomplished! Let's hope that the other birds don't find out where BBL's buried and turn it into a shrine.

Hiker said...

I'll be by to collect my "terminating" fee!

Thomas said...

Clearly, you shamed the bird into seppuku. Bravo! Dogs rule!

Jeff Simpson said...

A true journalist! Ties up the story with a folo. Sad for the bird, but such is life -- and death.
Jazmin and I enjoy the spice-of-life posts about your dogs. We relate as fellow chihuahua parents.

Anonymous said...

I don't see a Death Certificate anywhere. Perhaps you could come up with one of those "Certificate of Death" papers that anyone could draw up...long form please.

Amy said...

Hate to bust your bubble, but the dead bird is a sparrow. I suspect Birdie Bin Laden (positively identified as a mockingbird) has sent one of his minions to distract you. Nice of you to give it a decent burial, though.