The S*it Flies At Panorama Towers

We discussed this on this week's podcast but it was so startling I figured I'd mention it here, too, since there's some other interesting stuff to report on this front.

As many of you know, we are investors in a unit, now rented, at Panorama Towers across from CityCenter. I had already heard some not-great things about some of the residents over there, but this letter from the HOA was downright shocking.

"Dear Residents,

It has come to our attention that there have been numerous instances where residents are using their balconies to dispose of various trash (i.e. dog feces, cigarettes, debris, etc.)

As per the CC&Rs, these actions are prohibited and will not be tolerated. In addition to the aesthetic deterioration of the building grounds, there has been damage to residents' property. ...

Residents or their guests are to refrain from using balconies to dispose of any kind of waste. As unfortunate and incomprehensible as it may seem to report, certain pet owners are disposing of dog feces over the balcony. This waste has either damaged residents' properties or, worse, fallen on fellow residents.

All dog waste should be discarded in the various provided dog stations and/or in trash chutes."

Oh, Andrew Sasson, what have you wrought? This is the sort of place where Leo DiCaprio, Pam Anderson and Jeff Beacher live? OK, I can see Beach there. Ha ha. Just kidding, Jeff.

The poop letter came a few days before another letter of interest. You see, the HOA rules for Panorama -- designed, evidently unsuccessfully, to maintain a certain quality level among those in the buildings -- only allow owners to rent out their units once a year for a lease of no shorter than six months. That is, rent it to a real resident renter, not as short-term vacation rental with all the undesirable aspects of that practice.

But the latest letter is a petition asking owners to change the HOA rules to allow the place to become a whorehouse, err, I mean a vacation rental building. I empathize with speculators, err, I mean owners who are upset by the loss of the value of their investment. I just don't know that turning the building into that sort of place is the long-term answer.

Oh, and one more little nugget. I also got an e-mail from the Panorama resale office. They've been worthless for many months in selling the units, partly because of the economy and partly because they don't list any of them on the MLS, but they say they've closed on four units in the past few weeks and have four others in escrow. This, they say may imply "the worst of the housing slump is behind us." Or, perhaps "this spike can be attributed to the recent announcement of Viva, Station Casino's newest venture, slated to be built directly to the south of us."

That's really an interesting point I hadn't considered. Now we're sandwiched between Viva AND CityCenter. It reaffirms my hope to hang onto this thing for a few years and see where it goes.

I do wonder, though, if they warn the new buyers to carry an umbrella around the grounds and to watch where they step. Blech.

Switzerland: The Las Vegas Spectacular

Here's this week's Las Vegas Weekly column...illustrated! Keep in mind, it was written on Monday. A full week of Swiss travels came after this...


It's a Vegas World: We Just Travel In It
By STEVE FRIESS

As I type, I am in the central-European equivalent of an Econolodge in some quaint southeastern Swiss town called Fribourg on a week’s vacation and anniversary celebration with my partner Miles. The hotel clerk barely spoke enough English for us to get a couple of extra pillows, we spent much of the afternoon lost without a map in the winding countryside between here and the capital, Bern, and my partner’s one true wish at the moment is that someone serve him a drink with some ice cubes.

And yet, as far away as we are from most of our creature comforts and all that’s familiar to us, I am looking out the window and there it is: Las Vegas. Or some derivative thereof.

It must be some cosmic funny, but this room faces the side of the Casino de Fribourg, its name edited into the classic “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign in a way it’s certain Betty Willis never expected. There’s an advertisement for a slot-club card and the promise of “jeux et spectacles,” or games and shows. Heck, they even unintentionally evoke Steve Wynn in the use of the term “le reve,” as in the promise of “the getaway of your dreams.”

We could hardly resist, of course. Okay, we were really hungry, and it seemed like the only place open for dinner when we arrived last night for our two-night stay in these parts. So off we went to the exciting home of “more than 100 slots” and a few table games. When you enter, you show your carefully scrutinized ID, and then you’re encouraged to pick a metal key out of a large red box. If your key opens a nearby door, you win something. Nobody would say what, and nobody won while I stood watching.

We didn’t stay long. We walked around the casino and threw a couple of francs into the machines; they still use coins here, and the machines still gobble your money before you can figure out what represents a win on the same themed five-reel slot games. The booklet about the slot club was especially entertaining; we learned that 300,000 player points earns you a GPS device and upcoming shows here include a Chinese country-western singer and a tribute band that’s “the closest thing to ABBA.”

Then we moved on to the horrid-looking restaurant, where Casino de Fribourg’s Vegas showed in their attempt to gouge for food. The menu was a simplistic offering of meat and pasta, none of which was less than about $25 per entrée. An “offre special Americaine” was a seeming steal at about $28 for a 200-gram ribeye in barbecue sauce, baked potatoes (spelled “backed”) and a veggie medley. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but we’re counting our pennies on this trip, and this place didn’t seem like the occasion to splurge, so we drove over to the McDrive—really, that’s what they call it—for Big Macs instead.

Amusingly, Casino de Fribourg was the second gambling joint we saw that day. The first was Grand Casino Luzern, which loomed over the water at Lake Luzern in central Switzerland.

We tried going in but found that entrance cost 10 Swiss Francs, or about $9, although we would’ve gotten a Lucky 5-Franc token to play with on one of the 245 slots. We had to leave anyway when I tried to shoot a photo into the casino, unaware that this was illegal.

I did grab a couple of matchbooks on my way out. (Oh, and did I mention I also made off from Casino de Fribourg with a little change bucket as a souvenir?)

That wasn’t the end of our Vegas-related thrills. On a public bus, an advertisement pasted in the window shilled for an upcoming performance of a four-female group called The Acapickels and Orchestra Go To Las Vegas. See for yourself at acapickels.ch.

One night in Zurich, a German variety show played on the TV in our restaurant. The first act was the stars of the Berlin production of Mamma Mia! doing “Dancing Queen” in their outlandish finale garb.

And the second? None other than ex-Planet Hollywood star Hans Klok, still running as fast as he can around the stage in flouncy shirts to create the illusion of an exciting magic act. Weirder yet, suddenly Pamela Anderson was onstage with him here, too. Presumably this was recorded back when the two were something of a, uh, Vegas item. The banter was in German, so it was hard to tell.

Nowhere we go are we immune to our hometown influence. Every time we tell new acquaintances where we live, just the utterance of the words “Las Vegas” sends an electric pulse coursing through the room.

My favorite? I went to the Swiss parliament in Bern to interview a prominent legislator for a piece I’m working on during this trip for The New York Times. He was excited to be interviewed by that newspaper, but he became positively delirious when I mentioned I hailed from Vegas.

“Vegas! Oh, I love Las Vegas!” he chirped.

Had he ever been?

“Once, long, long ago.” His French accelerated beyond my comprehension, so a fellow journalist helping to translate explained that the legislator had come to the U.S. on holiday after college. He and his friends bought a $500 junker and circled our land. The highlight, even back in 1985? Vegas. I asked where he stayed.

“The Moulin Rouge,” he replied.

Miles and I weren’t even sure whether that place was open as a hotel in 1985, but the legislator wanted to keep chatting about what a great time he had, to the point that I needed to return the conversation to the business at hand.

It was enough to remind us that if we want a vacation free of Vegas chit-chat, we might be best off staying home.

News Flash (?): Hans Klok Is Gay

Brava to Erica Grimaldo and the crew at Q Vegas for insisting on asking Hans Klok about his sexual orientation, which produced the news-breaking cover story in which he comes out. And shame on the handlers who forced him into the closet and a pretend romance with Pamela Anderson. (Note: You have to download the PDF of the issue to read the story.)

I'm going to opine in depth on this in my Weekly column next week, so I'll hold off until then. But this is a fascinating textbook case of too many cooks in the kitchen. Had Hans Klok burst into town as an openly gay headliner and Pam had played the campy fag hag that she is, the entire tone of the media surrounding him would've been different and a certain loyalty would've been earned about an important constituency.

Not, of course, that it would've saved a bad show. But when you read Erica's story and realize what kind of foolishness went on surrounding this matter, you'll realize that someone didn't get the memo that out gay performers are IN. Sheesh.

Leo, Pam and Panorama

We finally closed on our Panorama unit today and, while there, I picked up a good tidbit or two:

* Leonardo DiCaprio: Leo will own on a floor not many above mine. Why "will"? Because apparently he's not closing for another couple of weeks or so while a series of "significant" renovations occur to combine the two units he has purchased. Note that we were told that there would be a $500 penalty per day past our assigned closing date. (We got done on time.) Ya think Leo's paying that? I sure hope not. Just knowing Leo's in the 'hood should help get us a better resale rate. Or maybe we'll keep our unit, move in and one day need a cup of sugar...

* Pamela Anderson: Just as she's something of a tease in the Hans Klok magic fiasco at the Planet Ho, she's also rumored to be a no-show for Panorama after all. Much was made of her buying a unit there, but from what I hear now, she's not following through and, one insider tells me, it all may have just been a publicity stunt. Pam? A publicity stunt? Really? I just cannot fathom it. That said, her unit is supposedly in Tower III, which isn't due until the end of 2008, so it's not entirely clear whether she's doing a now-ya-see-me-now-ya-don't act here, too.

HouseseatsLV.Com FLIPS OUT!

This is just bizarre.

Yesterday I posted a blog entry about the fact that "The Beauty of Magic" is showing very early signs of trouble: They're giving away free seats through a group called Houseseatslv.Com. This is a subscription service where people pay a flat annual fee and then when free seats become available, usually on short notice, they must answer an email or log onto the site and sign up. I'd plugged this thing on my podcast in the past and it seems like a neat deal.

And apparently it has the Houseseatslv.Com folks FLIPPING OUT. They sent their members this "IMPORTANT" email:

"We are committed to bringing you fantastic entertainment, and know you are committed to enjoying it. However, we need to talk to you for a moment about a very serious issue, indiscretion. As stated in the house rules, you are not to disclose how you receive tickets or what we have available to anyone outside of the house seats family. Doing so is a strict violation of membership rules and could result in a suspension or revocation of your membership. We urge all of you to log on to the site and review the rules of membership. Not adhering to these rules could cost everyone the wonderful entertainment opportunities we have been able to offer thus far. Your cooperation is appreciated."

Of course, I was curious: WTF? What's with all the secrets? And how practical is it, anyway, to believe that people aren't going to pass along the information to their friends or talk about it at the water cooler? How suspect is this if a member's talking about what they did the night before could foil the whole enterprise?

So I went to read the "House Rules." Take a look for yourself. The whole operation suddenly started feeling really weird to me. Basically, it's two well-connected public relations folks who profit off of the fact that many shows need people for their audiences so that other audience members don't feel lonely. They get their tickets free and distribute them, using the money in part to host the site and organize the activities, and they donate 10 percent of the proceeds to various charities. It's a pretty good deal and people's connections are earned, so I'm not sure I quarrel that much with this arrangement.

There's something vaguely referred to as "special shopping services," too, but God knows what that means. Most of the rules are sensible, but some are impractical, odd or contradictory. Here are some, in their original syntax:

* members MUST NOT CONTACT THE BOX OFFICE.
* you must be discreet when picking up tickets at the box office; we do not want to hinder their ability to sell full price tickets.
* house seats reserves the right to refuse service to anyone who is unpleasant, discourteous, or creates a problem of any kind at the theater or directly with house seats.
* listings are confidential information for members only. anyone found disclosing information in a public setting or chat room will have their membership instantly revoked.
* house seats reserves the right to review applicants before processing them for membership.

So don't contact the box office when you pick up your tickets at the box office? Oh dear, I am so not going to be approved for membership!

My source was confused as to what's up with all these rules. I think I know. These shows are trying to pretend for the public and the media that they're in demand. But they're not. So they give away seats and it looks like they can draw a crowd. If you tell everyone about it, however, you end up with &#@&$ journalists and bloggers like yours truly pointing to the deception as a sign of weakness. It's another reason why the tickets available at the discount ticket counters on the Strip aren't listed online; that would make it too easy for reporters to know what's doing badly. How many journalists would actually go down and see for themselves on a busy Saturday afternoon that "Spamalot" tix are available on the cheap? Oh, wait. I did that. OK, one.

Unlike in New York City, touring companies, concert venues or the movies, Las Vegas properties don't report their box office grosses to anyone. There's no way to know how they're doing. It is argued that they're private businesses, so they don't have to. But the same could be said for the aforementioned entities that do report, so I don't know why we don't get that sort of information. Perhaps it's so that the casinos and show producers can drum up illegitimate "Best Of Las Vegas" claims (by, say, putting out their own little circular with some phony writer crowning their show such) and slap them on their advertising.

That brings us back to why any of this matters. There's no official way for Vegas journalists to have any reliable gauge on the success or failure of any show, so we're reduced to relying on rumors, show-time changes or, say, the discovery that a heavily hyped train wreck of a magic show with Pamela Anderson that has only four shows a week to sell must give tickets away to fill the room.

And make no mistake, this show is a mess. It's receiving the worst word-of-mouth since "Le Reve," panned so far on our podcast this week -- it's in the first 10 mins of the show if you want to hear -- and by Mike Weatherford in the Review-Journal today. I'm grateful I didn't include it in my guidebook, which is being printed as I type, since I doubt it'll be around by the end of the year. It's that awful.

Oh, and by the way. There's another free-ticket outlet out there that's actually free and doesn't play all these cloak-and-dagger games. It's called VegasSeatFillers.Com. The shows aren't as high-profile, I gather, but I imagine that would change if more people used the service.

Signs of Woe for "The Beauty of Magic"

The summer's most hyped new Vegas show, the Hans Klok-Pam Anderson production "The Beauty of Magic" at Planet Ho, is showing signs of struggle -- already.

Yesterday, subscribers to a service called HouseseatsLV.Com were offered free tickets. Subscribers pay a flat $169 a year and can have up to four tickets to any shows they come into passes for. It's actually a terrific deal and has been featured on "The Strip" as a Top Secret Tourist Tip of the Week.

Now, we thought it was startling when "Spamalot" was available at discount brokers on Fight Weekend and for free to folks at First Friday in May. But "The Beauty of Magic" has been only been open for ONE weekend. And, unlike any major show in recent memory, its schedule is just a measly four performances - one Thurs, two Fri and one Sat -- a week.

I inquired and was told this is not unusual for a show just getting up and running without previews. Not buying that. This show has, for a split-second anyway, Pamela Anderson.

Word of mouth isn't kind thus far. Mike Weatherford in the R-J hasn't put out his full review, but he did write in his column today:

"Say what you will about the Hans Klok magic show at Planet Hollywood, but it was a classy gesture to invite most of the other lcoal magicians to the big opening-night bash last weekend. Since Klok wheeled out illusions already seen up and down the Strip, it was only fair to invite his predecessors to the party."

Ouch.

Here. We. Go. Again.

Last night at "The Beauty of Magic" premiere at Planet Ho, I once again inquired about a hearing-assistive device. As usual, the ticket-taker had no idea what I was talking about. Some sort of supervisor was brought over who, of course, informed me that it's "really very loud" in there.

You'll recall I've vented about this before. Usually, the predictability of that response makes me laugh. This time, I snapped.

"You're really going to stand there and tell a hearing-impaired person what's loud?" I snarled.

He apologized and then went somewhere mysterious to get a headset for me. He took my driver's license as collateral, which is customary. When I asked him how someone would know these things were available, he told me that you would normally ask for it at the box office. (At such special events, they hand out tickets at tables set up near the theater entrance, so we bypass the box office.) I went to look later and there's no signage at the box office informing people of the availability of these devices.

Not surprisingly, the headset didn't work. I really didn't need it because there wasn't much talking save for some painfully unwitty repartee between Hans Klok and momentary co-star Pamela Anderson that I kind of wish I couldn't hear.

Really, I asked to test the system. And to see if they worked.

But it gets better! When the show was over, I went as instructed to the mysterious door in the theater lobby where I was told to knock and turn in the worthless device in order to get my license back. Nobody answered. So I asked a worker in the lobby, who radioed someone. About 10 minutes later, I was approached by a man who told me that my license was in the Planet Ho Lost-and-Found at the security desk across the casino.

I went. And I had to sign a book to pick up my license. And, just for kicks since I knew he'd have no idea what I was talking about, I asked the guard at the L&F desk what I ought to do with the hearing device. He shrugged.

I walked back to the theater and handed it to the first employee I could find. She was puzzled, of course. I couldn't care less.

This is absurd. Every theater in New York and most every cinema in America has these devices. The law requires there be clear signs noting their availability. And common sense ought to tell these Vegas theaters that they ought to explain the devices and the clients who use them to their employees (sensitivity training?) and arrange a system for lending them out and taking them back after the show.

My license somehow ended up in the Lost and Found. I'm sort of impressed, frankly, that someone involved with the theater even knew that that's where it was. Imagine the nightmare if that wasn't the case.

Unacceptable.

BREAKING: Pam's Backstage "Shenanigans"

Sorry I've been lax in posting the past few days as I catch up with work and deal with some family drama. Plenty to report in coming days, so stay tuned.

But here's something that just won't wait. Tonight Miles and I attended the opening of the Hans Klok-Pamela Anderson show at Planet Ho, "The Beauty of Magic." We'll have a full report on "The Strip" podcast this week for sure.

Anyhow...the premiere was scheduled to start at 7:30 pm so, stupid us, we actually were in our seats around that time. By 8 pm, we'd seen almost everyone we actually like -- Robin Leach, the R-J's Mike Weatherford, the Sun's John Katsilometes -- and were getting antsy. (Norm, where were ya?!?)

So we corralled a prominent Planet Ho exec to ask what the hold up was. And this is what was said:

"Pam is back there with David LaChappelle and Amy Winehouse and there are some, uh, shenanigans."

Amy Winehouse is the up-and-coming British singer who has become known for canceling concerts because of her drinking. David LaChappelle, of course, directed Elton John's "The Red Piano" show at Caesars Palace's Colosseum, and Pam pole-dances in the video that accompanies Elton's "The Bitch Is Back."

We can only imagine what the "shenanigans" were -- or why it would hold up the show, seeing how Pam doesn't appear in "The Beauty of Magic" until about 45 minutes in.

This week on "The Strip"

This week's upcoming podcast to post Thursday features a terrific interview with "The Producers" star Brad Oscar, who was nominated for a Tony as the original pigeon-obsessed Nazi playwright, then took over for Nathan Lane as Max Bialystock and reprised that role in London and now here. David Hasselhoff is departing the Vegas production this week, so we ask Oscar about the changes afoot.

Coming up in the next few weeks: Brandon Flowers from The Killers, master chef Joel Robuchon and Pamela Anderson. Not necessarily in that order.

Join us online to listen in and chat with fellow fans as we record the show live on the Internet Tuesday night from 7-8 pm at LVRocks.Com.

Plus, don't miss the current show with a very relaxed and insightful Paul Anka. And go back and listen to our Hasselhoff chat from December.

Pam's New Trick @ Planet Ho

So our observation that Carmen Electra didn't seem to be "there" at the Planet Hollywood press event last week and rumors in Norm's column that she was being difficult proved prescient. She's out before the thing even starts.

Alas, Carmen always was the pretender "Baywatch" Babe, and so here comes the real thing, a much more jovial and upbeat Pamela Anderson, who popped out of a box today. She seemed very happy to be there and will serve as Klok's assistant in "The Beauty of Magic."

You can hear the raw audio -- it's about 8 mins -- of the big event here on a special edition of "The Strip", including a rare press-conference question asked by yours truly that revealed she'll start out on a three-month contract.

There were a couple of cringe-worthy moments on this audio:

* MAJOR WHHSH VIOLATION: "What happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas," Robert Earl said. "Carmen is gone. She didn't stay in Vegas." Groan. Ick. Sigh.

* BROKEN GAYDAR?: Hans Klok has an extremely fey on-stage presence, not to mention he's the spitting image of Siegfried. But then he goes on about how he used to watch "Baywatch" and always thought Pam was "hot." So maybe it's not that he's gay; maybe he's just European.

* MALAPROP MAN - OR NOT: "Is that your first ever trick?" Earl asked Pam.

Finally, I know get no points for this because I didn't blog it, but last night I guessed the mystery star would be Pam both to the show's publicist, who wouldn't spill it, and to Miles. So there. But Norm tells me that they also tried to get Paris Hilton. I like this choice much better, don't you?

Want to SEE it instead of listening? Check out RawVegas.tv's footage!