Thursday, February 4, 2010

NY Post "Does" Prostidude (Sorta)

Someone had to. In fact, I'm a little surprised it took this long. And, to think, I gave the person who did it her first job!

Mandy Stadtmiller of the New York Post flew out to the Shady Lady Ranch to have a go at prostidude Patrick L. Norton, America's first legal male whore. I had unmasked him last week because I couldn't figure out why the press was allowing him to go solely by his "performance" name, Markus. Mandy didn't fully name him, either, but she did acknowledge his actual first name is Patrick.

According to the piece, she was nude with him, received massages from him and cavorted with him in a hot tub but did not "sleep" or "make out" with him. To paraphrase her own repeated sarcasm over Norton: Uh, OK.

Instead, she used the Post's $500 plus travel expenses to extract from him his motivation -- she concludes he's got some sort of mommy complex because he can't just be a warm-blooded male who loves sex and gets off on being paid for it -- and shot lots of photos. Click on this image to get to her slideshow, which she is in:

There were some minor discrepancies in both Norton and Stadtmiller's stories. Norton claims he's only been with six women in his life and lost his virginity at 23 -- which Mandy seems to believe -- even though he did two porn scenes and speaks expertly about how one knows if a condom is breaking. Stadtmiller, on the other hand, claims to have listened to "lite-romance" radio for 2.5 hours en route to the brothel even though the signal for 106.5 FM dies about 20 miles outside of Vegas. (Satellite radio, maybe?) Also, I'm worried about what it says about Stadtmiller that she was "sweaty, stinky" after driving two hours to the Shady Lady in an unusually chilly winter. Reminds me of Matthew Perry getting burned by a hot car seat in January in "Fools Rush In" even though the average temperature is around 50.

We learn a few interesting things about Norton via Stadtmiller:

* He's well-endowed
* He's got a superlong tongue which, oddly, turns off Stadtmiller
* He's got a circus going on in his mouth. (See Photo No. 3)
* He's got hairier armpits than Levi Johnston
* He does not use Viagra or Enzyte
* Either he or Mandy -- it's unclear -- thinks it's Karma Sutra, instead of Kama Sutra
* He's not only Rosa Parks reincarnate but also Van Gogh, Lady Gaga and Moby
* His favorite "actor" is Steve-O. (They look alike, right?)

I do question his claim, stenographed by Stadtmiller, that his Chinese tattoo means "to seek." I find numbnuts who get these sorts of tattoos rarely actually know what they say other than what the flunky at the parlor told them. Any of my old Beijing friends want to tell me what this character actually says, if anything?

The strangest thing about this piece is the contempt that Stadtmiller has for Norton when, essentially, both are using their bodies for their work but Norton is doing so honestly.

I can't say that I expected whoring herself out while pretending to be offended by whoring oneself out would be Stadtmiller's destination when AMANDA came to The Daily Northwestern in the early 1990s. I was co-editor of the New Reporter's Bureau at the time, where we tested out potential staffers. She made the cut. Very few didn't.

There she is, pre-Post and now. She'd go on to do some PR work for Northwestern after graduation -- ghostwriting for the university president, press relations for the medical school -- but now she's an entertainment writer going undercover with mansluts and dominatrixes.

Nothing wrong with that. Few would have pegged me for a future prince of Las Vegas journalism, either, back then. The constant mockery of Norton just wore me down, I suppose.

Also, I'm jealous. I'd hatched this great idea to go out to Shady Lady and ask for a line-up with Norton. I wanted him to reject me, per his claim to Details that his sphincter is not for sale. Like Mandy, I would be going for the comedy. My problem is that, unlike Mandy, I'm not a lonely divorcee spinster -- her words!!! -- but happily married. And I couldn't decide what I was going to do if Norton put a price on, say, his tonsils, instead. From the sound of how well he's doing at Shady Lady -- Stadtmiller was his second client -- it's distinctly possible he'd broaden his market.

But now I suspect someone up there is on red alert for journalists. And I'm just not credible as (a) a trucker passing through or (b) a dude who couldn't get any way down in Vegas and had to come up here for it.

Am I?

* * *

POSTSCRIPT: I was emailing my Chinese friends via Facebook to get an answer to the tattoo and look at what the word verification thing was:



Anonymous said...

I really wonder how many people have the Chinese characters for "idiot" tattooed on their bodies.


Anonymous said...

"He's got a circus going on in his mouth."

Please explain. I cannot tell from the linked picture.

GregoryZephyr said...

"Few would have pegged me for a future prince of Las Vegas journalism, either, back then."

Few would peg you as a current prince of Las Vegas journalism.

Just kidding, your highness.